3:07 a.m. - 2020-04-15
My little boy
I look at this tiny little boy, this part of us both and I feel nothing but love. He sleeps, the sound not so gentle, but I know he’s in the best place right now. The past few years have been a whirl-pool. Stepping away from work was natural, an easier move then I ever would have thought. My family, this little boy and his father, they are my reason for being. In all the things I’ve done, all the people I’ve assisted in my life time, nothing makes me feel better then holding this tiny little boy in my arms. When I met his Dad, I wasn’t so sure. I hadn’t stepped outside the service much, but there was something about him I liked. He grew on me. Of course it wasn’t a smooth road by any means, nor did he always stay firmly in my life or act madly in love with me. No. It was how he made me feel, when it was good, that won me over. The excitement of our sex life and stepping outside boundaries that I had. He made me feel unjudged at points. Then of course there were times when that wasn’t so clear cut, comments about my anatomy and comparisons to other women. It hurt. It stayed with me. Those things always do, even more so then the positive. They never fully recover, which is why it took so long to let my guard down in the first place. Of course this isn’t a story about our sex life, because it is likely i’ve been replaced. No, it’s a story about how grateful I am for all that led to the birth of my beautiful little boy. I love him, incredibly. I pray we’ll find a way to be a family, but each day i’ll raise you with love in the meantime.
